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Tuesday 16 December 2003
BGM: Don't leave me behind, Suzuki Ami
Finals Week - you all know what that means. Yes, it means few precious hours with which to understand an entire semester of work and synthesize it down to where I can write a compact essay on it and several other subjects. Luckily for me I only have two finals, unhappily they are Japanese and Core. Core encompasses all of the significant Englightenment, Modern, Post-Modern, and Post-Enlightenment writings...most of them are written in archaic language and translated into English from French, German, etc. So we get fun words that no one uses anymore and we have to look up in the dictionary. Perhaps if I were a better bibliophile than I am this would not be so hard - but the texts, such as Foucault and Fanon are just...interesting without ever really catching my interest. And Japanese is...Japanese.
Benj and Philipe believe that I am a Japanese major because I am a masochist.
I believe them now.
So I'll be studying for today and tomorrow relentlessly so I don't fail and can erase a bunch of poor marks from my Core and Japanese records. Whee.
Today, however, I spent in LA with Benj and Philipe as we wandered Japantown (Nipponmachi) in search of Christmas presents. My shopping is 3/4ths done - this is pleasing. I found three things for myself - incense for the dorm room because the dorm smells like Hell having a bad day, a gender-ambiguous shirt because everyone needs one of those, and a Gothic & Lolita Bible (Vol.7 if you must be specific). I realize that GothLoli dress is something I find rather fascinating and I want to try it out. ._. Not that I'll actually look good in it considering how I look, but hey - one can always try. I'll probably end up looking like a cross-dressing man.
Whoo. I'm both feeling creative and overwhelmed by school - like a split personality without any of the companionship.
Sunday 14 December, 2003
BGM: Must be Dreaming, Frou Frou
The Bach concerts are going well so far, tomorrow is the last one (the second one...last one, whatever) and it's fine. The stupid choral blouse, that I did not check and should have done when I first got it, is so tight it feels like a kimono. Which is somewhat good because at least I'm used to kimono. So if you're in the area and aren't doing anything tomorrow at 3PM PST, drop on in to the Claremont Colleges and come see us perform Bach's Magnificant. Not that I expect anyone. We made it into the LA Times too, it was rather interesting. I should get hold of a copy of that paper for the folks at home. ...I still can't believe I was in such a major newspaper, front page of the Happenings section (even if I was just a speck in the background). So..yeah. I had a different entry before, but it was depressing so I erased it. No one comes here to be depressed anyway. Come to the concert and listen to a Buddhist sing "Praise be to God," if you think of it that way - it's rather amusing.
Tuesday 08 December 2003
BGM: Matenudoyo, Juuni Kokki
Just came back from watching the Campbell Scott version of Hamlet for my Elizabethan Shakespeare class. Holy crap was that original and actually well done. They actually played with the theory that Hamlet was genuinely crazy the entire time rather than just play acting. Campbell Scott did an amazing job with the character of Hamlet, making him very real to me which is what I like in those roles. I love this play and I'm glad I get to write a final paper on it. It's much better than the Derek Jacobi BBC production which I have dubbed The One That Never Ended, because it DRAGGED on for hours. I'm thinking of comparing the way the plays I've seen did the "To be or not to be" scene and the scene with King Hamlet's ghost because those are my favorite and none of the versions I've seen have done them the same. Kenneth Braugh did a beautiful job with it and so did C.Scott, while The One That Never Ended did it exactly like the play and yet it was so bittersweet. Can't wait to rewatch the K.Braugh version because I haven't seen it in a year. O.o But yes, lovely Hamlet - now I sleep.
Sunday 7 December 2003
BGM: Do What You Have to Do, Sarah McLachlan
BWAH! XD I did artness and you should all go and see it and comment here so I can have an ego boost and then go do homework. I'm doing fine now, but I need sleep. O.o
Art is here. Make meh happy.
Thursday 4 December 2003
BGM: Bring Me to Life, Evanescence f/ Paul McCoy
I realize I have been worrying people with my entries - this is not my intention. Usually when I write my more angered posts here it is not to anyone specifically - it just shows my general mindset toward humanity as a whole. Wait, that wasn't very reassuring. I could always stop posting those entries here and keep them to myself, but then this is my blog and I get snarky if I can't at least say what I want. I don't erase posts or edit them once they're saved - so there they shall stay. If I don't mention you by name, assume it isn't about you. If the warning bells do not go off in your head about what the entry is about, then don't worry it's not about you. I've had a lot of friends - and I do mean A LOT - asking me if they were the cause of my troubles and I can honestly say that no, you aren't. I like you - you don't give me grief, you give me happiness.
I haven't done a lot of e-mail. I will once the weekend hits. My god do I feel bad about not getting to e-mails, but I just finished DA a day ago and I'm drained. Tom-sama, this is to you~ I feel like crap because I haven't responded, but I do think about you and I will write back soon~ I wuv my friends. O.o So I'll be getting back to e-mails and normal internet life, especially now that my Research Paper of Doom is over. I liked the topic - Neil Gaiman's Coraline - but the paper itself was a bitch and a half to do. So now it's over and I sleep. It is 1:39AM and I met the guy who gave me Tom Lehrer goodness and who I didn't actually know until tonight. O.o I only knew him online and then we met at the MuddHole by complete coincidence. I realize that he is also in my choir class. Damn, I'm so dense.
Sunday 30 November 2003
BGM: FANS...meh
I'm getting very, very tired of people and normally that's usual, but today I'm getting the feeling that I'm more than just 'tired.' I'm flat out exhausted with trying to make people feel better. I'll help, honestly I will. But if people aren't willing to help themselves, then it becomes a one-sided deal on my end and it becomes EXTREMELY exhausting. That's why I can't deal with many things anymore - I'm listening to people online and offline talk to me about their problems that they won't change and frankly, I'm starting to get pissed because then they begin to get pissed at me for not 'always being there.'
I'm human too so I can't 'always be there' because I have school or work or personal problems of my own to deal with. Yes, I have personal problems, everyone, shock to the world. So get off my freaking back sometimes if I'm not one of those people who can constantly selflessly give of themselves until there's nothing left. I did that before, I ended up depressed, I'm not going to sink my own ship again.
I'm still here for people, I still want to listen and help and give advice, but if you're not going to take it - eventually I'll stop giving it. And that's that. /sighs/ That is an extremely brash post, but it's true - I can't deal with people who won't help themselves as well.
Saturday 29 November 2003
BGM: Sakura Drops, Utada Hikaru
My life is so incredibly droll. Except for this weekend. xD Thanksgiving is never droll and it meant going to the homeplace - so off to the homeplace with Benj I went. xD It was so nice to be home again, so lovely to see my parents and my cousins (both home from college) and especially my grandmothers and my brother. My brother is amazing, he has all these life aspirations and so much going for him and he is that type of person who listens more than he talks, but when he talks - you can't help but listen. He talks about hoofing it about Morocco and Algeria and all these things he's done and wants to do since he's in the military and once he gets out. And here I am just sort of plodding through a boring life. It's amazingly...odd.
But home was great and Thanksgiving at my cousin's house was fun even though I ended up sleeping through most of it. x_X I need to sleep regular hours again, especially to prevent getting sick. No sick! NO! Got my watch back and now I actually know what time it is, but I lost my favorite ring - suck. Although the losing of the ring is an old event, it still sucks. But watch is back and I saw people and that is good! I took more quizzes....I haven't uploaded them yet. xD;
Spent part of the night with Benj eating microwaveable pizzas and watching Spiral. Go Spiral. xD 4 hours of Spiral to be exact. 5 episodes to go. w00t. Will possibly finish tonight. I'm getting tired of this layout already. O.o; That's a bad thing.
Thursday 20 November 2003
BGM: Proud, Heather Small
Rinku! Rinku!
RINKU! xD
Translation: Link! Link! LINK! LINK! In other words, I found something fun to play with.
BGM: Easier to Run, Linkin Park
For those of you who know what happened last night and were there to help me, thank you. For those who have no idea what happened, I'm okay now but last night was one of the worst nights of my life. To my parents, I'll tell you about it as soon as I have time to call. But Benji, Nick, Chris, thank you for just being you - you saved me, seriously. I'm fine now, just to let everyone know, it was just a very bad night and I'm sure today is going to be a very bad day. We're going to have to see how my Writing 50 prof takes to my not having completed the assignment because of last night. So far, I haven't gotten a response. I think I'm going to go in early and talk to her about it as well as my e-mail. ... /sigh/ At least I got a full night's sleep for once - went to bed at 10:30 and woke up at 7:10 like I'm supposed to. That's a good thing.
Tuesday 18 November 2003
BGM: Flicks, Frou Frou
Massachusetts, I love you. Everyone, laud Massachusetts for its ability to think as clearly as a humane state. They legalized same-sex unions and gave them all the federal protections of a heterosexual union. Up yours, Marriage Defense Act.
Today is Meimi's Birthday and It Is Important. I must call her as soon as I'm sure she won't be in class. xD Happy Birthday, Meimi~~! I love you~!
I now have a livejournal. Yes. ph33r it. It'll mostly just be reposts from here, but there's some new stuff there. Like my Hartia icon. Hartia. You freak.
But it's Meimi's birthday~! xD So über happy for you, lovely. Happy 18th.
Thursday 13 November 2003
BGM: none
If only I had the money and a complete lack of self-restraint... Damn, and it's expensive too:
...But no, must buy Christmas and birthday gifts for other people first. xD I don't mind, when the hell am I going to use it other than to stare at it and say, "ooh, pretty." xDDD First I need AdobePhotoShop7 (which, I actually want to pay for, for once. O.o ) and then I can start getting nifty things to go with it. Unfortunately, by the time I can afford PS7, PS32 will be out. xD;
BGM: none
xDDDD The Leonids are coming back and I have to see them. Crapload of work to do, but I. Must. See. Them. ;_ ; I miss my parents now because we usually watched the showers together. ... Haven't been doing much e-mail lately because of work. Evil, soul-consuming work.
Wednesday 12 November 2003
BGM: Slytherin snake hissing
Today is the day of Harry Potter, even if I haven't read the books - bugger off if you're going to nag me about it. So here's the Prisoner of Azkaban trailer: PRETTY. And yes, it is indeed very pretty - Gary Oldman may not be the bishounen we were hoping for, but he's a damn good actor and I look forward to seeing what he'll do with Sirius. Snape in a dress - dear GOD, I love you Alan Rickman. ...but WTF happened to Draco? o.o He'll still be snarky, I'm sure, but kill whoever did his hair. That was entirely too feminine for me to say.... shoot me. Can't wait for it to come out and then I found this site and using Ehmir's name I was sorted into the Slytherin House. Makes sense for him and I doubt the name matters in the thing, so it fits for me too. But yes, Harry Potter. It's cool. Love.
And it's raining. w00t.
Monday 10 November 2003
With These Eyes, Roch Voisine
I just realized I missed a meeting and the worst thing is, I don't really care anymore. I have this horrible listlessness that's eating me, and it may be that I'm still sick somehow or else mentally depressed to the point where I don't recognize it anymore. This sucks.
BGM: an online trance station
If you read this, it won't make any sense. I warn you ahead of time, I'm feeling rather reflective and extremely depressed because no matter how deep I think I've gotten into my apathy, my empathy always decides to surface at the least opportune time. Highlight to read it, if you really feel like seeing into my demented brain.
I've decided that no matter how much I may hate humanity and society in general, I cannot stand to see people suffer. In some ways my apathy breaks down and then...then it just hurts. I can't stand to hear people argue and yell at each other about the same goddamn things, over and over and over again. Then the room becomes filled with discordant sounds, broken records played until they break. I can't stand this when it happens and lately it's been happening far too much. I don't blame people for getting back into bad situations, it's their selfish need to be wanted and their inability to see beyond their situation. Hell, I'm sure I've done it before. I won't mark them for it, I won't yell at them for it because it's not my life nor my place to tell them what to do with their life. They can be unhappy all they want and I'll just sit back and watch.
It's the watching that hurts, I suppose. Watching and knowing that some human part of me still empathizes with them and I can feel the anger and the hurt and the pain. The frustration and the sadness that wells in them when they are arguing. The torn feeling of the heart when they know things aren't going to get better and yet they stay with it anyway. I can feel it through them, but I never feel it myself. I rarely if ever 'feel' anything to my knowledge. Maybe that's why people have told me I can be rather aloof about my own feelings - mostly it's because I would like to imagine I don't have them. And before any of you tell me to seek therapy or something, I do have them - I just tend to ignore them in my conscious thought.
So here I am, plugged into my earphones so I don't hear them yelling at each other about the same damn things over and over, filling the room with the buzz that had just begun to die down. They always yell whenever they talk to each other and I don't see why they continue to see each other at all. I don't know if they are again, but damn - why the hell won't people knock sense into themselves? The world is not about drama, get the f*ck over it. Leave the bastard if they wrong you repeatedly - love isn't about controlling every action of the other person - nor is it about having constant arguments and suspicion and hate. The sounds still carry over the sound of trance in my ears and all I want is someone to talk to so I don't have to concentrate on them anymore. So I don't have to feel her heart snapping and her ire rising, the pain in her voice and the look on her face when she yells at him. It hurts and it's not even my own pain.
I hate my humanity.
Sunday 09 November 2003
BGM: None
Ugh....wakefulness.
Akaineko
BGM: None
Whoo I suck at posting and school is killing me because I have been slightly naseous for the past few days. Damn. I have quizzes and the quiz page updated. Otherwise nothing at all is going on in my life. NOTHING. ...I was vampire at ITR and killed a lot of people, then Mike killed me and I was sad, but he was the only human left so that's a good thing.
I should really watch/read/see that so I understand who I have. Oh well.
Thursday 6 November 2003
BGM: Only Got One, Frou Frou
Her music is good. Go get it.
Saw Revolutions tonight- ...yesterday. Anyway, for a fan it's always good to see. Of course Keanu still can't act, but he admits it and the return of the fighting style of Death is a good thing. It is difficult to write about without spoiling things. Let's just say there are a few things I noted about it:
1. The fight scenes went back to Matrix style, not Reloaded style which was slow and evil. War scenes were just...confusing as all hell and very cool.
2. Certain scenes were just plain interesting. Camera angles and whatnot kicked.
3. Neo is pretty, but slow and rather stupid. If the guy calls you "Mr. Anderson" you can pretty much BET your LIFE on who it is.
4. The Symbolism Stick made its comeback with a vengeance and beat me senseless.
5. It was, on the whole, better than Reloaded but not as good as Matrix.
6. Some lines were so predictable it hurt, certain actions were so predictable it hurt, Carrie-Ann Moss should not be able to move in such tight clothing and yet she does and she's cool like that.
7. Clubs are cool, bondage clubs are freaky, bondage clubs where it's all about getting it on with someone of the same sex fulfills the new orgy quota the Matrix movies are apparently trying to have.
8. Smith should never be allowed to smile. Ever. O_O
So yes, I have to write a review of this for the school newspaper now. ...How do to that without actually revealing anything. I'm going to see it again, of course, sooner or later because I'm a dork and I actually liked it despite all the Christ symbolism for Neo and the blatant "hit me with the Symbolism Stick" things they did. Oh and all the commanders had sticks up their asses. Lodged as far as they could go. They needed to die horrible deaths. Commander Lock kicked ass. I liked him. Seraph, marry me. I mean it. Bear my children - or you would if you were a woman. ... not following that train any further. The Trainmaster freaked me out. He needed a bath, a dentist, and a shave. Really badly. O.o
Monday 3 November 2003
BGM: Sometimes It Hurts, Stabbing Westward
Going to see Matrix:Revolutions on Wednesday - it's opening day. Yay. I have to leave Choir early though. Buu. I have homework to do. ...
SHIT.
EDIT: 12:00AM. I forgot to add this link, but it's one of the most brilliant things ever. Pure Brilliance
BGM: Wishing, Ayumi Hamasaki
New layout is coming as soon as I can figure out what to do. x_X Yes, even I am getting tired of the pink. /dies/ Must clean the dorm room because I CAN'T STAND IT anymore and anyone who knows me, knows that means the room is horrid. x________X But before that, I give thee stolen survey from Casey's blog. I never knew Casey was in fact Casey from DA whose Art I Love. *_* So yes, I stalk her now without her knowledge. >_>
I WANT: an interesting life.
I HAVE: crap to do.
I WISH: I could better at art.
I HATE: spiders. DIE EVIL BUG THINGS OF DEATH.
I MISS: many things.
I FEAR: Evil Bug Things of Death. Mock me for it and I eat your soul.
I HEAR: Adom9, "I Wonder" and the roommate's floor fan.
I SEARCH: What? Um...Google?
I WONDER: why humans are the way they are.
I REGRET: many things and nothing.
I LOVE: too many things to list here.
I ACHE: in my ears...from the fan. It is loud. x_o
I ALWAYS: am thinking and yet strangely apathetic.
I AM NOT: close-minded. (stole that from Casey, but I'd like to think it's true.)
I DANCE: whenever I feel like it and no one's there to see me.
I SING: whenever I feel like it and in Choir class because I have to.
I CRY: you'll never know when.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: kind or prompt, those waiting for e-mail...yeah, sorry.
I WRITE: infrequently and badly. x_o
I WON: $50 from the Lottery. Take that stupid Lotto. HA!
I LOST: a lot of things I wish I hadn't.
I CONFUSE: many people and myself.
I NEED: more common sense.
I SHOULD: be cleaning the dorm room and working. Damn work.
x. three things you are often complimented for: artwork...can't think of anything else. Maybe there isn't anything. o_x
x. you get embarrassed when: people are kind to me.
x. what upsets you: humanity. No, really.
Yes or No...
x. You keep a diary: I have a blog.
x. You like to cook: Whenever I can, and in the dorm room that means never. -_-
x. You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: If I said I did, that'd be telling (in other words, HELL YES).
x. You're in love: Nope.
x. You set your watch a few minutes ahead: Watch naturally runs 15 minutes fast a day. I don't wear it anymore.
x. You bite your fingernails: Stopped that when I was five or something.
x. You believe in love: Probably not. Maybe for other people, but not for me.
Who is...?
The prettiest person of the opposite sex you know: Kunihiko Ikuhara, Hyde, Gackt, or Midorikawa Hikaru (he can have my soul if he wants).
The weirdest person you know: I hang out with the weird crowd, they're normal to me.
The Loudest person you Know: Maybe Allison? Not sure. She can be quiet sometimes too. ;_; I miss my friends.
Your close friends: Anyone I make friends with becomes close to me.
The person that knows the most about you: My parents? O.o Otherwise, my cousin maybe?
Most Boring Teacher: ... /coughs/
What is...
Your most overused phrase on IM: Any emocon. I don't know why.
The last image/thought you go to sleep with: Yaoi. Like I know? I'm asleep by then, silly.
Your best feature: None.
Inside joke: Desu YO. "It adversely affected me." My life is a series of 'you had to be there' jokes.
Do You...?
Take a shower every day: I rarely have time every day, but I try for every other or I can't stand myself.
Have any crushes: .../stabs you/ No.
Think you know you've been in love: Never.
Want to get married: Never.
Have any tattoos/where?: Henna only. I dislike needles.
Piercings/where?: None, see above.
Get motion sickness: Only on really rough seas when in really small boats.
Think you're a health freak: ...I like vegetables and fruit. Is that odd?
Get along with your parents: Most certainly. Unless they aren't telling me something. /paranoia/
When you see this name you think of...
Ryan: ...boy. What? I don't know any Ryans. O.o;
Rob: Thomas. ... /cough/
Drew: a picture. Not a name. x_X
Stephanie: a friend since I was a kid.
Heather: ly. A girl I knew from high school who is cool.
Aaron: ...boy.
Amy: Benji. Friend in college and cohort in many recent crimes. And an alias.
Paul: the Beetles.
Eve: 6. O.o I like that band somewhat.
John: ...boy.
Alex: Friend of Benji when written with an 'i' and with the 'e' and if a boy, a former enemy.
Justin: Timberlake. DIE.
Ricky: Tikki Tavi. The mongoose and the name of my crazy cat that died three years ago.
Jack: Sparrow. Sprat. and Jill. All somewhat literary figures.
Screen names: All the ones on Yahoo are dead. The only one I use anymore for anything is MurasakiKaze because I have no creativity.
Sign: Capricorn.
Natural Hair Color: Black.
Current Hair Color: Purple black. It doesn't really show up at all.
Eye Color: Brown.
Birthplace: Secret. Grr.
Favorites
Number: 13, 42, any multiple of 7.
Color: black (not a color, a shade but bite me), gem tones
Day: Friday. Especially ITR nights.
Month: Any of them, especially July and December.
Song: music is life. O.o
Food: Rice, Greek pizza (with spinach and feta cheese, tasty), Japanese snack foods that will kill me one day, POCKY.
Season: Summer or winter.
Drink: Peach calpis, green tea (number one favorite in any form), orange passionfruit guava juice. It's freaky and they have it at the dining halls. O.o I don't drink soda. -_-
Vegetables: /devours all/
Preferences
Cuddle or Make Out: Neither, I don't like people.
Chocolate Milk or Hot Chocolate: Either. xD
Milk, Dark or White Chocolate: Any, but I don't eat candy often. Maybe once every three weeks.
Vanilla or Chocolate: Swirled.
In the last 24 hours, have you...
Cried? No. .\_/.
Helped Someone? ...maybe? I never know when I help people.
Bought Something? Food?
Gotten Sick? I felt sick.
Gone to the Cinema? No.
Gone out for Dinner? Dining hall count?
Said "I love you"? No...
Written a real letter? No, but I should.
Talked to an ex? This assumes that I have one.
Missed an ex? See above.
Written in a journal? BLOG.
Had a serious talk? Yes, about nationalism and the stupidity of weapons of mass destruction and the beauty of hand-to-hand combat with Benji.
Missed Someone? Yes.
Hugged Someone? Not that I remember, but on Friday I hugged the Hobbits three times.
Kissed Someone? Hah, no.
Fought with your parents? No.
Fought with a friend? No. I try not to fight with friends.
You're saved, it's over. x_X Got my Japanese midterm back and I don't know how, but I pulled an A- out of the air. O.o Yeah. I'm freaked out. As for Halloween, it was much fun. xD Also spent half the weekend RPBing on the Silhouette Project which I find infinitely fun. Although Ehmir is crazy and I have no idea where to take him from here. x_X ITR was great, I was the werewolf and ended up eating half of Happyville before someone saw me. The hunter wouldn't believe him that I was Evil(tm), so I kept killing. Eventually it got down to five Happyvillians, the hunter, and me when (for the first time is ITR history perhaps), a Happyville denison shot me in the back and killed me. xD It was fun! Painted Greg's nails to be purplish green and ended up having fun. So yes. Bwa. I need to update links, and an archive happened, did you miss it?. O.o
Friday 31 October 2003
BGM: None at the moment
Well happy Halloween everyone. Tonight is ITR at Mudd and I will enjoy myself. xD I've already seen so many interesting costumes today including Frodo and Sam who I attacked and hugged because I already knew the girl playing Frodo. xDDDD There was a six-pack of Australian beer, Alice and the Cheshire Cat, representatives of each house of Harry Potter, and many others. I love Halloween. I'm currently being Mickey, the villanous gay pimp. ...or something.
Last night at Knott's Scary Farm, Benji and I ran about trying to get the people in scary outfits to say hi to us. They wouldn't scare us because we kept waving at them and yelling, "HI MONSTER-PERSON!!! XDD" One said hi back, another said, "I loved you in Harry Potter!", and another gave me a hug. xDD I was wearing my Grim Reaper cloak and cowl, that might have brought about the HP comment, not sure. xD It was great fun. Lots of rides, Benji bought a short decorative knife and I bought a cane. xD w00t. Lots of fun. xD Now it is Halloween and Halloween always rocks my world. Always.
Oh, and:
You are Form 9, Vampire: The Undying.
"And The Vampire was all that remained on
the blood drowned creation. She attempted to
regrow life from the dead. But as she was
about to give the breath of life, she was
consumed in the flame of The Phoenix and the
cycle began again."
Some examples of the Vampire Form are Hades (Greek)
and Isis (Egyptian).
The Vampire is associated with the concept of
death, the number 9, and the element of fire.
Her sign is the eclipsed moon.
As a member of Form 9, you are a very realistic
individual. You may be a little idealistic,
but you are very grounded and down to earth.
You realize that not everything lasts, but you
savor every minute of the good times. While
you may sometimes find yourself lonely, you
have strong ties with people that will never be
broken. Vampires are the best friends to have
because they are sensible.
Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Hell yeah.