Chapter 6 :: It's All History He's not answering me. I barely know him, but something deep inside me is saying that I want to. Something deep within me that I think I supressed for a long, long time is saying I want to know him. His eyes seem vacant. Did I startle him? I don't understand... Everything's been wiped out of my mind. When I woke up I remembered a few things. I wanted the rain to take my anger and hurt away. I remember walking in it and running away from something. I remember someone holding me, but nothing more. Before my walk nearly everything is dark. I hate to admit it, but I'm afraid. Until I read that sheet on the bedside table I didn't even know my name. I feel like a little kid separated from their parents. Everything is so foreign, threatening, strange...scary. "Duo? Is what..." I struggle to remember his name. "Quatre. Is what Quatre said true?" "I..." It seems I've knocked the chair out from under him and he's struggling to stand again. He flounders for a moment, then draws his hand away, turning his head. "He meant that we're close friends...that's all, Heero. Just...just f-friends.." I slowly lower my hand and nod, wincing in pain again. "Oh..." It feels like a part of me just died. I was hoping...for what? I turn away and stare at the wall opposite me. What was I hoping for? I couldn't possibly be in love with him. After all, there's those few fleeting images of a girl with straw-colored hair and blue eyes. Then again...there are more memories of this boy next to me. The boy with hair the color of hot chocoloate, eyes that resemble the night sky just before dawn breaks, and a smile that could chase away any cloud. I glance over at him and see that he's still sitting there, his eyes coveting the floor. Why is it that something within me trembles each time I see him? He said we were just friends. . . .where is this pain coming from? "When we were together...what did we do?" His gaze doesn't waver even as he answers. It's as if he's afraid to look at me. "We'd just talk...sometimes we'd go to the local clubs...the usual friend things." His voice sounds bitter about the word 'friend.' Maybe he didn't like hanging around me all the time. Did I push him into being with me? I questioned Quatre and Trowa in the same manner. Trowa was quiet, but he answered my questions to the best of his ability. I know both of them were hiding something from me, as is Duo. I won't be able to tell until I regain my memory what it is though. This bothers me - not knowing what the others know. "Duo? How did we become friends?" He glances at me and blinks. "You really don't remember anything, do you." I shake my head. "I know only what you, Quatre, and Trowa told me." "Betcha Trowa didn't tell you much, ne?" Duo snickers and hangs an arm off the back of the chair. I have a feeling this is what he's usually like, very laid back and open. Or at least, he pretends to be open. I can tell there are private sorrows dwelling in his mind, sorrows that no one knows about but him. "He told me what he could," I reply. Silence stretches between us and I turn to look outside. "You didn't answer my question." "It was during the war. I guess our friendship stemmed from us being allies in the war. I follow--I wandered down here a few years back and we sorta hooked up again. After that, it's all history." He smiles at me, not an unkind smile, either. There's a melancholy edge to it, but it's well hidden. I nod and return my gaze to his heart-shaped face. "Did we talk often?" "I came nearly every day." "What did we talk about?" "I talked, you were quiet. Usually about what we did each day. Most I got out of you was a random 'hn' or the occasional 'aa'." He pauses, a look of regret crossing over his face. He didn't want to tell me that, but he slipped. "Oh. What did I do each day?" He nibbles at his bottom lip, hands playing nervously over his shirt hem. "Work." "What kind of work?" I need to know this even if he's reluctant to tell me. I need to piece my life back together. When I do maybe I'll discover what is it they're all hiding from me. Maybe I'll find out just why it is that tremors ripple across my heart each time he looks at me. I need to know myself again...I have to learn. "You know, Heero...work." I won't pursue this anymore. He doesn't want to tell me and I won't force him. I'm sure whenever I return home, I'll be able to figure it out. "Duo?" "Yeah?" "When do the doctors say I can get out of here?" "A month or so." "Hn..." I catch him jumping out of the corner of my eye and smile. "That's a long time, isn't it." "Y-yeah...Yeah. I guess it is. Don't go getting restless and jumping out the window though." He laughs, clearly relieved that I added on to my previous sentence. "Why would I want to jump out the window?" He laughs again. I don't get it. When I don't laugh or do something else he's expecting he stops laughing and just stares at me for a moment. "This is going to take awhile, ne?" I sigh and nod. Somehow or another I hope he's there with me even if we are just friends. I wish...I wish it could be something more. I really do wish it could. For an unknown reason, he makes me feel good inside. I wish we could be more than what he says. It'll never happen though. I can see it in his eyes. I have the feeling that this will be nothing more than an obligation friendship. Once I'm better, he'll disappear off to whoever it is that he loves. Until that time, I'll cherish the moments we spend together. I'll hold these things close to me and remember them until I die. Just as I remember part of the dream I had when I was asleep after the doctors put me under. Someone was holding me close, the scent of flowered shampoo in their hair, warm breath across my ear. It was all so perfect. I remember looking up and seeing that someone, not their face really, but their eyes. They were his eyes - Duo's eyes. Then I woke up and the dream was so distant from me. Now that I know that we're only friends I wonder where this dream came from. Sadly, I know it will never come true. I remember the safety I felt in his arms...Something I will never feel in real life. I wish I could. I dreamt I had. Then again, dreams are nothing but empty wishes... "I...uh...have to get going, Heero. I'll be back in the morning, okay?" I nod and he moves towards the door. "Night, Heero!" His cheerfulness is felt even after the door closes. I listen to his footfalls as he walks down the hallway until they are no more. The white walls close in one me and suddenly I feel very alone here; alone and very cold. I wish he had looked back... "Goodnight...Duo Maxwell..."