Chapter 11 :: Tears from Dry Eyes "Will the defendant please rise." The sound of chairs scraping back echo through the room. At my side, a broken man flinches and sinks lower in his chair. "Have you reached a verdict?" The tension in the air is thickening, gathering in the sweat on the spectator's brows. "We have, Your Honor." The grains of time slow as the envelope is passed from the jury's box to the bench and back again. The judge nods once, then the jury's foreman stands. "We find the defendant, Timothy Debrose..." The cameramen from the 10 o'clock news zoom in, recorders are turned up a notch, reporters lean in. "Guilty on all counts." A murmur from the audience and the cracking of the gavel seal the sentence. The hand on my arm lessens its grip and I let go of the chair. I glance over at Heero and see both apprehension and relief wash over his features. The months that it has taken for the trial to finish have left their mark on him. He has grown tired and his nightmares come to him every night. After the first week of his waking up screaming, I'd started sleeping in the same room with him. It seemed that he needed the comfort. Maybe he's like me in the way that solitude brings back demons... "I will now pass sentence." Debrose hangs his head and watches his lap with a slightly bruised left eye. I smiled inwardly at the memory of that bruise. He was so shocked when I flattened him. Yeah, jerk, I was pissed at you. You hurt him. So I was coming for payback. That look in your eyes after I told you that Shinigami was watching you...priceless. Yes, I attacked you during jail hours. You were too scared to tell anyway. You never knew if Shinigami was going to come back for your pathetic ass. I don't hear what his sentence is. I'm too busy watching him as he slowly turns and meets my gaze. The color drains from his face and I smirk at him, silently mouthing the words, "Don't drop the soap." I watch him as he is led out of the courtroom in handcuffs and as he disappears behind the mahogany door. The attorney stands and congratulates Heero on his victory, but he doesn't reply. The woman coughs slightly, smiles at me, then bows and leaves. As the courtroom gradually empties, Heero and I are left sitting at the table alone. "Daijoubu, Heero?" "...Aa." I start to stand when a hand closes around my wrist. We share a simple look and I sit down again. I keep my eyes on the clock, watching the minutes slip by. Slowly I become conscious of his ragged breathing - slowly in, pause, out, repeat. "It's over now...isn't it." "Hai." Heero nods slightly and closes his eyes. "Let's go home." Nodding, I stand and walk out with him. The ride home is quiet, more so than usual. Any attempt at conversation is shot down and any motion to turn on the radio is instantly repealed after one look at him. The questions, the interrogations, the accusations, everything fell upon him like a weight and it hasn't lifted since. There are bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep. Those nightmares...they must be horrible for him to wake up screaming every night. I got a visit from the neighbors asking if I could silence him somehow. I think the glare I gave them was enough of an answer. Still, those nightmares leave him shaking until early morning when he drifts off into a fitful sleep. If he hadn't told me I would have thought I imagined it...Heero Yui was afraid of sleeping. The nightmares and whatever it was that he saw terrified him to no lengths. Sometimes he wouldn't sleep at all, opting to stay up and clean the house instead. I feel horrible for falling asleep on him, but I need my rest... Glancing over at him I sigh. I have to try at least one more time before we get home. "Heero?" No answer. You must push forward if you ever hope to help him, Duo. "Heero, look at me." I stop at the light and turn to him. He's ignored my request, but I reach over and gently force him to face me. "There's nothing for you to be ashamed of and nothing for you to fear. That guy will never bother you again." His eyes aren't meeting mine. "And it's not your fault. It never was and never will be your fault." He still won't look at me. Dammit, Heero! How can you expect me to help you if you won't even help yourself?! ...why won't you let me help you? Do you want me to? ...would you rather that...she...help you? This is just like it was in the war. He closes in on himself, relying on himself to fix every problem and to take on every mission alone. He thinks he's all alone in this and that he couldn't possibly put such a huge burden on other people's shoulders. We're not weak, Heero. We're just as strong as you are and we're just as weak as you are. We're human...that's what makes us special. "Heero...listen to me. What happened was-" His head snaps out of my hand and he turns away, curling in on himself again. "I don't care. Just leave me alone." His voice is as icy as the waters at the bottom of the sea. Looking at him now, I feel my anger rising. Why can't he let me help him?! "Fine." I didn't mean my response to be as curt as it was. I don't receive a reaction from him though...maybe he really doesn't care. "Fine, Heero...we'll just go back then." As we drive along in that perpetual, deathly silence, I listen to him breathe. It's an amazing thing, a person's breathing. Their entire life depends on it and yet it goes unnoticed most of the time. It's not until we can't breath that people become concerned. Much like a heartbeat...until it stops, no one cares. "...Pull over..." The voice comes out of nowhere and I blink. "What?" "...pull over...please.." He sounds as if he's about to cry. Impossible. That's the one trait that has survived the amnesia: The Perfect Soldier doesn't cry. Heero Yui doesn't cry. "..Please...Duo..." "All right..." The car glides to a halt next to a grassy patch on the road and Heero steps out into the cold night air. He moves away from the car and meshes with the darkness. He disappears completely from my view and my breath catches. It's almost as if that inky blackness is claiming him. Almost as if he were a lost fragment returning to the greater whole... I sit there in the car waiting for him to return as the hour passes. I'm starting to get bored and worried when I hear a soft sound. I could have mistaken it for a car passing by, but there were no cars. I could just blame it on the wind, but there is nothing but a soft breeze. I could just say it's my mind playing tricks on me, but...There it is again. It sounds as if... In an instant I'm out of the car and searching the pitch black night. "Heero? Heero, answer me." Nothing. "Heero?!" There's that muffled noise again off to my left. I move towards it and the sound becomes louder. He won't run away...I don't think he's able to. If he is then I hope he won't. He needs someone right now...I want to be that someone more than words can say. As I come upon the hunched over figure of a once great man, I lean down and hug him. His shoulders are heaving ever so slightly, marking his breath, marking his life. I can feel his heart pounding beneath the thin fabric of his cotton shirt. The impossible has happened and I'm here to witness it. It's not the type of spectacle one is supposed to see, but it is engrossing nonetheless. I can't help but marvel at this once in a lifetime opportunity. This is something I thought would never happen and if it did, I'd never see it. Heero Yui is crying. And I am crying with him.